Been hitting it hard these past few weeks - lots of work, lots of socializing, booze, caffeine, little sleep, and wouldn't you know it..., no sign of a period. My FSH is back near 100 just like that.
I haven't been looking for a job. I've been so focused on running on 'E' and building relationships with people who I may never see again. I haven't been properly taking care of myself. Who knows if I can have a kid. And so I ask myself, "Is this it?" I didn't find my life's passion in B-school. What else is there if no kids? Where do I go from here?
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
So tired
It's been a while since I blogged. In December, I had my first "period" in seven months. It was extremely light and barely what I would call a period, but there was blood nonetheless and I took it as a win. The doctors (naturopath and acupuncturist) recommended we wait and see what happens in the next month. Next month, more blood at two different times that month. Since then, I've been bleeding at LEAST twice per month, though only one of those times has felt like a real period. This month, month three of the return of my period, the breakthrough bleeding rolled right on into what I would call a real period. Does this mean my FSH is finally dropping? Does it mean that soon enough my body will hold onto a lining for my eggs? Does it mean my body still has eggs? If so, how many? How long have I got?
My acupuncturist thought that since I was having a period again, I could stop treatments. However, my FSH is still too high, so I am now seeing an acupuncturist closer to my home. Last week's treatment was AWFUL. I was super sensitive (thought I was going to vomit at one point), most likely because my real period was about to start. I've been in a funk ever since. My yintang point (the one between the eyes) bled, which has happened once before. Both times I wept deeply on the table out of some deep pain that I didn't know I would experience until treatment had begun.
I have concerns that my fertility will return for a short amount of time during which I will not have found the guy I want to be the father of my children. The concern continues: once I find him, infertility, this time irreversible, will return.
My acupuncturist thought that since I was having a period again, I could stop treatments. However, my FSH is still too high, so I am now seeing an acupuncturist closer to my home. Last week's treatment was AWFUL. I was super sensitive (thought I was going to vomit at one point), most likely because my real period was about to start. I've been in a funk ever since. My yintang point (the one between the eyes) bled, which has happened once before. Both times I wept deeply on the table out of some deep pain that I didn't know I would experience until treatment had begun.
I have concerns that my fertility will return for a short amount of time during which I will not have found the guy I want to be the father of my children. The concern continues: once I find him, infertility, this time irreversible, will return.
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